Trigger warning – COVID-19/ Unemployment/ Marxism/ Poor Writing Based on My Opinions

There should be a nice fluffy introduction here to soften you up for the rough stuff ahead. However, I have written no such introduction. If such an introduction were to exist it would mention how I am unlucky and lucky, it would include the following; Lucky- Privileged ( Read: White Middle-class cis-gender straight male), just finished MSc, triggered by personal epiphanies from privilege (Read: Gap Year).  Able to work in a job I ethically have a stand point on and agree with. (Read: Wanker). Unlucky – Just got shitcanned. You get the gist. Anyway, the first few paragraphs are as bad as the intro but there’s important info throughout.

Why is this relevant? A familiar question to recent graduates. Well, during my studies I was working in a bike shop, this is common knowledge to some. The dirty truth is that this bike shop was owned by multi-national evil corp Halfords. Halfords rely on their motoring income, something I’m not comfortable with however they gave me a job in their bike shops – the busiest in the country – something I was comfortable with. Inevitably, on 16th of March 2020, Halfords decided to shut their 22 UK Cycle Republic stores, placing 220 staff members at risk of redundancy. This decision was made to focus on the motoring side of their business and to streamline to an online only cycle shop – Tredz. This order was eeked out quietly before the bulk of businesses in the UK were forced to close due to COVID-19. Having been deemed too unprofitable to remain a viable business, Coronavirus ought to have come along at the perfect time for Halfords and Cycle Republic (R.I.P)? 

If you’ve read Marx’s Capital, ( I haven’t but David Harvey certainly has and he explained the whole thing to me on his excellent podcast), you’d know that the profit maxim at the center of capitalism drives technological progress on the one hand and diminishing returns on the other and every so often these pretty little things coalesce and result in me losing my job. Fantastic!

“Get those doors shut! Get the stock back to the warehouse and forget the whole thing ever happened!” may have been heard echoing down the halls of Halfords HQ? However no such luck for the 220 staff members at Cycle Republic, whose shops have remained open despite the risk to safety posed by the pandemic. My go-to patter with customers is that I was looking for a new bike but now I’m after a new job. That or to push them violently away if they sniffle near me.

In closing 22 physical premises, complete with mechanics and expert knowledge, Halfords have laid waste to the incredible network which was essential to UK cities. No longer can you drop by and get advice when something isn’t working, get something fixed to get you home or back to work in a hurry, or chat to someone who knows, cares and understands what your bike means to you. 

In doing so Halfords have signaled their intent to allow climate change and to fail as a business. With the ban of petrol and diesel cars having been moved forward to 2030, the short-sightedness of this decision is not hard to see. Whether these stores were loss making or not should not have mattered, the Halfords motor stores should exist to serve and grow their bike shops for our future on this planet. That is corporate guidance and responsibility.  Something Halfords have struggled with. They may be one of Britain’s oldest and apparently therefore most respectable ironmongers however there is a reason that #boycotthalfords is trending on twitter as I write this.

Speaking of responsibility, I believe that someone ought to write something about this situation. I’m very privileged in that I’m not paying rent at the moment (staying with my parents – class!) and so some of the possible consequences of redundancy will not likely happen to me however there will be plenty of people who will be affected, my co-workers included. Anecdotally and from the actual stats, Halfords is a very male business (somewhere near 70% if I remember correctly). I’d also suggest that the majority of staff are in a similar position to myself – Male, White and Middle-class so maybe less fuss has been made however that needn’t be the case. This workforce also  adequately reflects UK cycling – Male, White and Middle-class. All of which must change if cycling, business and life in general are to have a proper social future.

Regular readers of the lifestyle global frat MrHummels.com will know we hate Heart of Midlothian FC. They may have guessed from the title of this post that I was referring to their current financial trouble however I would hate to see anything bad happen to them. Relegation will be bad enough. (Sorry, cheap shot.) Hearts and other small businesses are facing a tough time and some will likely go under due to Coronavirus, however it needs to also be noted that the Halfords decision happened before lock-down, before they could have claimed a government bailout to stay open longer, pay wages etc. Truly awful decisions across and by the board.

Anyway I’ve distracted myself with my silly dreams of football, sustainable travel and inclusive democracy. As, Covid-19 fever has swept the nation (OK? Not OK?) and I’ve lost my job, I’ve been reminded of my somewhat basic knowledge of Marx. 21st Century Capitalism, and now the more noxious and aggressive Neo-liberalism, have created a wider gap between rich and poor than Marx could anticipated. Or so goes the introductory sentence to every essay I’ve written on Marx. The workers are more alienated and exploited than ever before, labour still holds the key to value and property is theft. He got it all right, for a lefty.  All of this serves me great comfort as I look to find myself another job, complete with a very useful new MSc in Social and Political Theory.

The passage of Marx which has been brought to mind most frequently has been “In communist society, where nobody has one exclusive sphere of activity but each can become accomplished in any branch he wishes, society regulates the general production and thus makes it possible for me to do one thing today and another tomorrow, to hunt in the morning, fish in the afternoon, rear cattle in the evening, criticise after dinner, just as I have a mind, without ever becoming hunter, fisherman, herdsman or critic.” (German Ideology, 1845). Marx had experienced self-isolation.

While on the one hand we’ve been driven into a hellish dystopia, it’s hard to ignore that some strange good has started to come of COVID-19. Here in the UK, the right wing Tory government has had to make large economic concessions to keep the country standing. As I go out and look across the meadows (on my way to work), I see a fraction of Marx’s utopia; the government has to subsidize wages, everyone is toddling along on their bikes and rents will necessarily freeze. Marx’s vision of the future probably didn’t include a pandemic, however his reading of capital and the intricacies of capitalism did go viral. Sorry. Marx’s insistence that on the social nature of capital, and therefore exchange, is the important bit. The bit that Halfords haven’t remembered.

The final cryptic meaning of the title of this post regards MrHummels.com itself. You may have thought that our time was up. That we’ve been served the a cease and desist from the Halford law team (may yet happen), but nothing will keep me down. Except long term unemployment with a patchy social net, that will probably get me quite down.

In the meantime it has since come to light that bike shops are an essential service and that bikes (and other micro-mobility forms) are the future, that social-democratic values are essential for protecting bare-life. Who knew? Well a graduant in Social and Political Theory for one. And while I can be easily written off as a disgruntled employee, it should be noted that I am firstly, a disgruntled graduant. Everything I learned about the world has been proven to be true and my knowledge hasn’t helped me, it has made it worse, left me jobless with tied, washed hands as my own dreams for the world are built by a simple virus.

P.S – There are a few details which have been omitted here. Personal transport and travel hero of mine, Chris Boardman, lamenting the loss of his Boardman Performance Centre rather than the 220 staff who are now jobless, is one of these unfortunate details. Generally Mr Boardman is a tireless voice for equitable travel and along with the legends Dr Rachel Aldred, Peter Walker and Carlton Reid inspired my dissertation in my very useful MSc. Thanks to them, they remain unlinked as this is getting a little fanboyish and embarrassing. The final detail is that this was intended as a letter for Anywhere But Westminster, however thanks to confidentiality laws which effect my redundancy package I have chosen to protect my identity. (Hopefully I’ve done so adequately on here across my checkered past of slap dash #blogliving !?). Anywhere But Westminster was fundamental in my deciding to go off to University and study Social and Political Theory, perhaps they are in someway culpable for my present situation?

In which case anonymity isn’t everything…
Payment can be addressed to –
MR HUMMELS GLOBAL CORP.
WALL STREET USA
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P.P.S – I’m genuinely sorry if anyone was upset by the COVID-19 jokes throughout this and the previous post. The gravity of the situation is not lost on me and I tend to joke about things if they are uncomfortable etc. I’m still at work in the above situation, hopefully that allows us a joke. Our workshop had a strange blitz spirit today, we joked darkly and nervously, the day after the lockdown. Last night I was gathered round a table listening closely to an elected Winston Churchill impersonator lock us in our homes. Though I’m not sure the wartime comparisons are helpful, these are unprecedented times and they call for uncomfortable and clunky metaphors or dark jokes. See Zizek for more.