AGM Transcrit 

Mr Hummels – Introductory remarks

As I’ve pursed over the dwindling fortunes of Mr Hummels, I’ve come to realise that certain things will either happen, or as the case may be, they won’t. Equally, it can be said that certain things will happen when you think that they won’t, or won’t happen when you think they will. In an effort to come to terms with this disturbing development I’ve come to the realisation that things happen (or don’t) out with the purview of the Mr Hummels editorial team. While this is a shock, there is seemingly little which can be done either way. Mr Hummels recent software update is one such example; in an attempt to speed up computer power Mr Hummels has made the leap into cloud storage, low-and-behold average computer speeds actually decreased!? How can that be? Is there some tom-foolery afoot? Quite possibly however it has little or nothing to do with the main point of interest here this evening. Perhaps they are linked, circumstantially.

The general confusion which permeates day to day life has increased recently. We face testing times and these testing times have proved difficult for the Mr Hummels brand, operationally speaking. The following minutes should outline key stages of this recent confusion while also underlining action points for the coming months and years for Mr Hummels. What I will refer to henceforth as the ‘stupor’ has perhaps struck the organisation before but has been undiagnosed. Provided with the correct information it is our hope that moving forward we will be able to recognise such a ‘stupor’ with greater haste and act upon it, if necessary.

Firstly I will introduce to you the stupor. As previously mentioned the stupor has been a period, possibly a cycle, of confusion. This period is described as a swimming feeling where things are happening around you, take a second to remember the last few months and you may realise that you too have been affected. The coastal sensation which I am describing is, medically and physically, a seasickness of time itself. Over exposure to the rocking currents of life may cause the fluids located in the eardrum to be insignificant, physical and mental balance will be offset momentarily. There are unfortunate cases where people do not regain this balance. Mr Hummels has experienced a mild case of  this stupor, noticeable perhaps by the lack of output.

Previously such a condition has been described as a malaise however this term has been updated to stupor in order to overcome the negative connotations held within malaise. The stupor Mr Hummels has been in has been a classic case. Previously, notably while reading “Crime and Punishment”, Mr Hummels fell into another such stupor. This was more aggressive and  unpleasant. A book which lasted many months and somehow commentated lifes events through its interaction with the subconscious. “V.” has had a similar affect however altogether more pleasant. Mr Hummels stakeholders will be aware of the dramatic events during the duration of this book; travel, engagements (literally), pandemics and pilgrimage. The bumbling epic coincidence which is life and is also “V.” seems to sum this up adequately. However we may not be sure why?

Agenda item – A – San Jose del Pacifico

Stakeholders will be interested to hear of the recent trip to San Jose del Pacifico as described in the appendix as “Trip Report – San Jose del Pacifico”. This incident summarizes well the present conditions in space-time, moreover the disturbing trend towards things happening when you think they won’t.

Agenda item – B – Time-Space

Stakeholders who have expressed doubts over space-time repetition will be intrigued to learn that much time has been spent in the spaces of old recently. Purely by co-incidence, of course. The new position in Edinburgh requires that Mr and Mrs Hummels (we are yet to be wed but have moved to formalise the relationship) take up lodgings temporarily in parents bedrooms. More, the part-time position in a bike shop on Morrison Street means that old stomping grounds are now new again. Lastly, old temptations have been bandied around with new people who have old patter.  All very intriguing.

Agenda item – C – Virus

The recent Corona virus outbreak has led to significant action worldwide, Mr Hummels would like to solidify the position on Corona virus – “We don’t want it!”. The outbreak coincided with the return leg of a trip to Mexico which complicated the travel of an already awful journey. The protocols and practices of air travel security are designed to make you feel lost or alien. This feeling is intensified by the company which you have to keep; knee deep in fashion and smart-phones (literally sometimes, the prior), adhering to social norms which you didn’t know existed. Mr Hummels has concluded that we are barely human anymore. A virus has spread among us already.  On the plus side, travellers were able to briefly ignore their linguistic racism, ignoring the Arabic speakers to instead eye Asian people suspiciously. As I passed through JFK and was told to give a mandatory set of fingerprints and photographs in order to pass, I ask what happens with my information and get a disapproving look. I’m safe however as a white person and do not need taken to the backroom. As I collect my baggage, disappointingly unfrisked, a group of French speaking students come alongside me. One of them is Asian and glances to their friends before letting out pretend coughs and sneezes in the direction of the Homeland Security officer. They giggle. I cannot help but muse that we all have the same jokes. Even the French.
Later, on another flight headed to London this time, I stir. We blast through turbulence and I grip my armrest, petrified. At 600mph, 2000ft and climbing I swear to myself that this can’t be natural. I am soothed however as a set of flashy automated adverts come on to the screen in-front of me – despite the rocking and bumping I realise I’m safe, it’s impossible to die while being advertised to. Around me other passengers glance at me like I’m a weirdo for being visibly scared, their air-pods drown out the Rolls-Royce engine subject to possible cheapening of parts, or scaling back of testing. Their thumbs flick endlessly through manufactured moments, manipulated and magnified to no longer represent reality. The virus has spread.

Agenda Item – D – Memories

Referring back to the comments made on Space-Time. It is clear that these incidents are now in the ‘past’. However, as was abundantly clear at the time, they were ‘present’. Insofar as the effect the stupor has had on the collection and recollection of memories it is hard to say. The tumult which has been self-imposed through travel, life changes and lack of finances has been matched by the effect of moving through time-zones, global pandemics and worldwide economic systems. The feeling of being adrift is acute. As we are buffeted by waves, we can say to you, the punters, we will find the shore.

Closing Remarks

A lot of the talk tonight has been unusually maritime. You could say it has been morose at times. The Portuguese call this feeling Saudade, while that perfectly describes how I feel, it is incidental. The melancholic notion of loss lacks the optimism which is there on the shore; a white sandy beach, a rock-pool full of delicious treats, a reef to pass over and a Portuguese man-o’-war to sting you. Things will happen, or they won’t. And when you think they will, they might not. And when you think they might not, they probably will. Perhaps I will write a book, perhaps I won’t. Perhaps I will get a job, perhaps I won’t. Maybe we’ll all die of Covid-19, maybe life will go back to normal. Maybe we’ll take this opportunity to address climate change, we won’t. All I can say with real certainty as we reach the close of this years AGM is that whatever does happen, Mr Hummels will be there, bobbing around. Also, I’m sorry the Portuguese have taken such a battering, it wasn’t intentional.

 
Appendix 1 – Trip Report  – San Jose del Pacifico

We entered San Jose del Pacifico with the intention of finding a bit of ourselves. Like every corporate get together. However I hadn’t considered the night of darkness which would follow. A well built team was to be acheived through the use of mushrooms, however given the season these were not available. The management team retired slightly disappointed however unaware that mushrooms wouldn’t be necessary. As we took out unnaturally early leave from daylight, owing to darkness, we heard the wind blow fiercely over out tin roofed lodging for the night. As Mrs Hummels drifted off to sleep, Mr Hummels soon experiences a powerful spiritualism which didn’t require enthogenic assistance. He tossed and turned and began to see shapes in the dark. The blowing wind outside altered his psyche, blowing through him as a body temperature saline water washes over and caresses the body in a flotation tank. The anxious parts of him and the dreams were blown up into the air, in total darkness. It could be that the room acted as some kind of sleepless purgatory, between rest and flight.  Everything came before him and he weighed each thing. The goals he’d set, the goals he’s accomlished and the goals he’d failed at. The concept of ambition. The endless repetition of  Mr Hummels reviews on music, film and everything in-between came to be part of the repetition of time itself.

What he’d written about everything else had been signposts to himself. We’re not supposed to get what we want, what if we didn’t want anything? Did that mean he didn’t exist? It was hard to say. However as answers began to appear in the darkness, the cockerel literally crowed repeatedly. And very early in the morning, before dawn. While he’d transcended somewhere from the 1st person to the 3rd person, he was left with questions more than he had answers. Much like in the film ‘Little Women’ which he’s seen earlier in the month and found it to be saccharine and predictable, hammy and bad. Did that mean he was saccharine and predictable, hammy and bad? Zizek comments on this story somewhere that the hero of the tale is the sister who dies. Perhaps that’s true of me him? Subjectivity is a dialectical process, duh!

Later, as I’d come down from that mountain, I tapped my toe to Dire Straits in a restaurant as Mrs Hummels and I had a meal out. I looked across the restaurant to see our reflections catch my eye. We resemble the British holiday making young couple, like the McCans in less tragic circumstances. Is this what Joseph Campbell and Carl Jung mean? At the beach I sit and read “V.” and ponder at what it means?

Note – Mr Hummels wears a “Mr Hummels protective face mask*”.

*The “Mr Hummels protective face mask” is not intended for protective use.