Friends, bots, countrymen, lend me your ip address.
It has been a testy few months, however the world has looked strong suspended in orbit around the sun, my hopes are that this will continue for the coming years.

The state of the world address is traditionally delivered by our Father, who art on holiday, so it has fallen on me to address you – the great people of this great orb. It may come as some surprise that I have been appointed to speak to you but I do resemble popular representations of the last bloke to do so, even though he would have been black. It should also be noted that I am a God-man with great global influence, more on this later.

First though, I will address the world. It is a good place. The best place, in fact. But, for some reason, we seem intent on ignoring this. It would be really nice if we could all get together and sort it out! And not just so we can make money, like save the rain-forest, man. And re-conceptualize national sovereignty to address existential threats such as climate change, technological meddling and bio-hazards, man. We owe it to ourselves and to the future generations of us, it is ultimately futile but it would be nice if we could understand that more fully and that will take time. This great world carries a great hope, to pass on the message of futility to another world somewhere, someday. Or to understand how it all works and then get snuffed out, safe in the knowledge that it was all a great big, universal prank.

Ok, from the Macro, to the middlro.
I would like to thank the good people of;

the United Kingdom, Ireland, the United States, Germany, Canada, Italy, Netherlands,  Belize, India, Australia, China, Uruguay, Spain, Slovenia, New Zealand, France, Chile, Brazil, Sweden, Argentina, Saudi Arabia, Malaysia, Hong Kong SAR China, South Korea, Taiwan, Israel, South Africa, Indonesia, Austria, Croatia, Norway, Mexico, Russia, Czech Republic, Thailand, Denmark, Finland, Jersey, Poland, Turkey, Ukraine, Kenya, Venezuela, Vietnam, Belgium, Luxembourg, Japan, Hungary, Bolivia, Jordan, European Union, Romania, Albania, Costa Rica, Switzerland, Portugal, Philippines, Lebanon and the
United Arab Emirates –

for your continued support. Our union of 59 is stronger than ever and looking to expand. These are the brave few who dared to step out on the hallowed cyber turf of Mr Hummels over the past 4 years. Many of you are just a single hit, but that is enough to give hope for continued global dominance. Expressed as a fraction we total 59/195 recognized sovereign states. Which is around 30%. This percentage adequately expresses the amount of effort which goes into at least some of the posts here. (Please also note the map, which shows these nations by popularity and frequency of Mr Hummels visits. The state which are pink are the states which visit frequently, unsurprisingly. ) It is a Euro-centric map but then why would anyone else care. This post may also serve to create a feedback loop of nations, perhaps we will be known as “the 59.”
I would briefly like to address the staggeringly high number of human rights abusers on this list; please stop – Mr Hummels does not condone abuses to human rights.

Some of you may be asking why is Mr Hummels being read in Belize and Luxembourg? You are right to do so. This is probably a bot which wordpress control so that I keep paying them, but it would also be folly to disavow the good people of Belize, so please keep clicking. At Mr Hummels we take you at your word(press).

So, from middlro to micro. This is a change of track but some important data nonetheless. It has been brought to my attention that clandestine reviews which were published earnestly by this house, are gaining in notoriety and importance. While this is no surprise, it is a little annoying. I dislike being prompted by my phone to review more, I owe you nothing, world. Especially since only 30% of your represented land mass has managed to click on me over four years. (That is a gross exaggeration. Isolated clicks do not represent full nations – I get it.) Outside of the bi-monthly posts which Mr Hummels slavishly works on, he is a tier 5 Google reviewer with over 4500+ views on his reviews. And over 60,000+ views on a photo on Google+. (Soon to be defunct.) This pressure is undue and unwarranted. Mr Hummels will not be strong armed into creating free content. He will do it of his own accord thank you very much.

This does bring me to the final point of business; Mr Hummels is an influencer. #global

We’re all fucked, aren’t we?

Mr #
#MrHummels

 

P.S. The relative import which we place on things such as Google+, facebook and twitter only deflect the obvious catastrophic tension which we feel regarding climate change. The western world is deflecting. In this regard I just bought an over the top watch which tells me my heart rate every minute of the day. Should keep the hypertension at bay.

Meanwhile parliament is run by a group of self-interested cunts who are happy to distract the public with Brexit while not accepting the fact that our politics are in a terrible state and work for no-one.
Brexit is mad, eh? Can’t believe that is happening.
Really hope that Scotland becomes independent but it will likely not.
If I ruminate any further today I’ll do damage.

 

P.P.S I’d like to welcome the Netherlands to the Party! Though they didn’t read this…

I also didn’t say the obvious, which I had planned –
“State of the fucking world, man.”