- Walking slower than everyone else during rush hour – watch the people envelope you like a school of fish and a shark.
- Walk against the direction of the train as you alight – look everyone in the eye. Peer deep into their souls.
- Loiter when alighting, there is every chance you will be left alone on the platform like a sad virgin in a poor rom-com, or a victim ready for a slaying.
- Take the extra steps – choose the steps, broken escalators, fast routes. Not only are they quicker and better for your health, you will feel like a Londoner. Whatever that is.
- Convince yourself you don’t need the seat for the first few stops, you’ll be wrong and will regret this decision. Live off the regret.
- Remember the titles of other peoples books and look them up later. There is every chance they are stupid and/or racist.
- Make an enemy. Fall in love. They’ll all soon be gone, as will Earth. #Heatdeath3030
- Breathe in the hot, thick air. It’s rich in carcinogens and will hasten your eventual downfall.
- Have your headphones on but don’t listen to anything on them. Take it all in and wank about it later.
- Ignore the urge.
MrHummels 