The political sentiments of  Mr Hummels are well known. Mr Hummels appears on hit lists the alt-right world over, but, I hear you ask, what political demonstrations has he personally lent his significant muscular weight to? The following should act as an answer to that question.

It seems like a ages ago now, possibly due to the nature of our news cycle, possibly due to the fact that I’ve started a new job recently so it was ages ago, that Anti-Trump rallies took to the streets of London. Mr Hummels had signaled his intent to attend, however given the pressure of a new job and trying to appear like a good little droid, he was forced to renege. He couldn’t get a shift swap. Luckily, the Anti-Trump march was kicking off directly opposite his new place of work and so the Lunch Against Trump movement was born.

What could better describe the frustrations of a new age of protest hamstrung by the global neoliberal world the an anonymous blogger spending his lunch break mingling with a demonstration? Probably many things, but this was the situation we were handed.

So, microwaved leftover vegetarian pasta-in-tupperware-in-hand, Mr Hummels took to the streets. The atmosphere of the rally as it assembled and began to take off was chatty-to-buzzy. Organizers and volunteers gave out flyers and stickers employing the attendants to rally once more, against the actual fascists who would be taking to the street in a counter-protest the following day. Their suggestion was to counter-protest the counter-protest, conceptually rather like tennis. Initial estimates suggested there would be upward of 50,000 people rallying against Trump throughout the day – during Mr Hummels lunch break it was hard for him to confirm or deny these reports however he did witness the beginning of the march at the start of his lunch break and was surprised by the seemingly unsustainable speed. by the end of lunch the great plow of democracy was still furrowing brows all the way down Regents St.

While Mr Hummels did lend his support to the cause, he was at first cynical and questioning of the motives of the protesters. This new age of protest which we are seeing in the UK could be construed as shallow and politically inconsequential. Alternatively, the political polarization of the country combined with the wealth of divisive issues and a hot summer would surely lead to some exercising their right to protest. You may remember that Mr Hummels predicted riots for this summer, so it’s probably for the best we get protests and Mr Hummels is known for being misguided on every single one of his prophecies. With this cynicism in mind, the atmosphere of fun encountered as the protest assembled seemed to underplay the seriousness of some of the issues on show. The voguishness of protest itself also managed to do this, it seemed like a fun day out and all the regurgitated fashion of genuine counter culture movements were on show like badges at a scouts hall. But could any of these young protesters tie a wreath knot? Or did they just wear the cool old clothes because that is what is cool again? It is a strange age we live in.

What was clear was the unifying reason why people had shown up. Whether you were the most dedicated Marxist, the indigenous Latin American person or the yuppie hipster out for a fun day out, you were there to protest Donald J Trump. The totemic anti-figurehead for so many issues of the left – misogyny, racism, colonialism, homophobia etc. These identity issues had somehow managed to come together to protest one man so repulsive and disagreeable that new ties were formed, new alliances forged in the fiery lava of his hair. This is a peculiar turn for leftist politics – united by Trump – and probably for those of the right who have taken the fractiousness of identity politics for granted in their recent resurgence.

While this was a visible outcome of the protest it should also be noted that this was an ostensibly ‘normal’ crowd. Of course this phrase is caveat-ed by the question, whose normal? And this is something which Mr Hummels has attempted to answer, normal for him – a left leaning student and bike shop employee. But was it normal to others? The march seemed to be female led which was appropriate and inspiring – there’s was probably the strongest voice of the supposed identity politics. True, there would be a higher percentage of vegetarians and vegans than in the normal population. There would be less bra wearing. For a straight white cis-male who is a feminist, this is a complex situation. Much as I would like to, I cannot just turn off the sexualisation of the female body bit of my brain. The impulses which have probably caused and sustained aspects of misogyny and hyper-masculinity still exist in me. If I were to have been present at the Burn the Bra rallies of the 60’s would I have been virtue signalling if I had joined in. I don’t want make light of this issue, or be a self-apologizing white guy cliche but there you go. Poor me.
Returning back to the idea of normality, the sight of a wandering American tourist was quite a sight in the demographic I’ve tried to describe. Like watching a cat tiptoe through a herd of uninterested cattle enjoying their grazing. Whether or not the crowd was indeed normal by normal standard became unimportant however, the numbers of people who attended became the important factor. The collective message of what would not be tolerated was out and even the BBC had to eventually report on it. It took them three hours to notice and acknowledge the 120,000 people assembled outside their front door. Is that Fake news? The 120,000 people may have been shoppers given the issue of popular co-opting of protest as fashion? Mr Hummels says no, the circumstantial evidence of it being a rally was strong. Many wore badges, flew balloons which said Fuck Trump, Trump is a Cunt, held signs saying Resist with Trumps face on. Mr Hummels Lunched Aainst Trump and hundreds of thousands of others did too.

The message which came from the rally was a strong ‘Go Away. @Trump’ to use the parlance of the day, as I’ve said whether it was a bunch of communists is unimportant. The most important people there were those that flyered Mr Hummels about the Antifa tennis, they were the ones spreading the message to those that attended, whether shoppers or commies. They brought attention to the matter of the Free Tommy march. The smattering of celebrities – our very own Jarvis Cocker who walked a few feet away – probably helped too. The message was put out there though. As lunch wore on, Mr Hummels stood briefly in the shade watching the throngs of people move down Regents St. In front of him a tall figure strode through the crowd, his shirt open and catching the slight breeze. Someone grabbed his forearm suddenly and his head turned, the sweat on his brow catching the sunlight as he turned. “Comrade!” said the stranger as he recognized the sudden intruder. They embraced and Mr Hummels smiled, his lunch break over, but it had been a good one.

Days later, Mr Hummels would have forgotten about the protest and would be working hard in the shop when a stranger would approach him for advice about a seized lock. A conversation about leftist politics would ensue which would hearten Mr Hummels for days and weeks and months. The recognition that opinions like his own existed and could be aired in public was heartening, moreover that a serious conversation could exist in a place where he was paid the bare minimum for his labour was thrilling. He would always regret not coming up with the following joke sooner, “You have nothing to lose but your bike chain.” Perhaps they’ll meet again and embrace each other as comrades.

Mr Hummels

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