A great weight was lifted on Wednesday evening. The personal consequences of the game were large – I no longer have to fear being in England while they win the Coca Cola. The national implications could be greater – will the mediocre placing of 4th temper the rise of nationalism? Could losing to a minnow nation, and barley playing any good teams all tournament while still managing to place fourth buoy the hopes of a nation and improve Jeremy Corbyn’s chances of leading a Labour government? Who knows. What we do know is that England came 4th in this world cup, while Belgium came 3rd in a game which arguably is the least important game in the tournament. Who will come 1st and 2nd? We’ll have to wait for tomorrow…

Briefly I’d like to comment on the inhospitable atmosphere experienced in a Central London pub during the Croatia game. I thought that learning the Croatian National Anthem would have been an impressive party piece, apparently not. I can also report that a full pub singing ‘G*d save the Qu**n’ is a loathsome sight.

My last point of order is the formatting of the cup itself – we know that Team A will beat Team B tomorrow but can the losing team beat Belgium? My suggestion is that the last four teams play off in a round robin mini-tournament ad infinitum, trapped eternally like the other made up football teams in the other made up football leagues competing for the other made up football tournaments. God it’s exhausting, but it’s also very good.
Your faithful servant,

Mr Hummels

N.B. I have now entered employment and taken off any shifts in the last week which may have clashed with Coca Cola 2018 World Cup 2018 McDonalds Budweiser.  Any concerns for my financial or mental well being should be addressed to the editor.

References –

Appendix –

This video skits around the issues of colonialism and imperialism in football. Interesting given the classic combination of France, England and Belgium in the final stages.