As the teams start to drop like flies and my coverage becomes more and more negligent, you may start to wish that it wasn’t thirty degrees outside. That way we could get on with our duties with no fuss. I could write endlessly into the abyss and you could focus on your work rather than fantasizing about members of your favorite gender squad walking around in comfortable temperatures when you should be wishing you could watch the soccer.

Alas, it is hot and that has functioned as a distraction – MrHummels likes to stay more tanned than all the buckfast in Glasgow on a Saturday night. Speaking of buckfast – I was wrecked on Saturday again – which is why coverage has waned. My deep family connections to Mexico mean that I must celebrate 66% of their games by getting obscenely drunk.

I beleive I left the story of the 2018 Coca-Cola World Cup just before game day 9. The Swiss had just surprised the Serbs and we were all waiting to see what happened next…
“Well, what did happen next?!” you may ask.

• Belgium 5 Tunisia 2
• South Korea 1 Mexico 2
• Germany 2 Sweden 1

Sunday 24 June

• England 6 Panama 1
• Japan 2 Senegal 2
• Poland 0 Colombia 3

So there you go. As we entered into the final matches of the group stages there were many surprises. I lay starfish upon a lawn in front of a big screen as Germany managed to beat Sweden in the dying seconds, I wasn’t particularly surprised, just very drunk. England beat Panama by so many goals in one half of football that they decided to draw with them in the subsequent half – and, as a special treat – they masqueraded around pretending that Panama were seeded number 1. Just for a good joke. Those English lads, eh. Colombia managed to smash Poland out of the competition and I think the joke I made about them on twitter was a little of colour – though I was trying to say that the British working public consists of Polish people, it could have been misconstrued and was a lazy gag. Which is what I call your mother, incidentally.

Monday 25 June

• Uruguay 3 Russia 0
• Saudi Arabia 2 Egypt 1
• Spain 2 Morocco 2
• Iran 1 Portugal 1

Tuesday 26 June

• Denmark 0 France 0
• Australia 0 Peru 2
• Nigeria 1 Argentina 2
• Iceland 1 Croatia 2

As you can see from my copy and paste job – flat out excitement and also a reason to be negligent as both final group games must be played at the same time. No real surprises thus far but an early taste of classic VAR drama. Ronaldo also did his best to act like a cunt, thankfully.

In keeping with the general negligence of this coverage, and this site, is the lack of mention of VAR until this point. It will likely come away as star of the tournament. A machine that can do a humans job better than a human – what a thrill. For all that may sound sardonic, it has provided us with a lot of high stakes drama and more penalties than a registered sex offender in a play park.

Argentina provided a little thrill, mainly through the action of two players; one – the refined brilliance of Lionel Messi (especially his second touch before the goal), two – the refined powder which Diego Maradona seemingly can’t keep a lid on. In the end it was Marcus Rojo who was the man in the midst of the action, scoring the deceive volley and managing to not be penalised for an apparent handball.

But that was nothing.
Football drama has not been so intense and mathmatical since the relegation battle of 12/13. (I think it was that year, anyway. =P megalols). This afternoon I witnessed a footballing rollercoaster, all from the comfort of my own home. Below, you may see the final results –

Wednesday 27 June

• South Korea 2 Germany 0
• Mexico 0 Sweden 3

But, that doesn’t tell the whole story.
As Mexico predictably capitulated, dual screen was nationally adopted. Nails were internationally nibbled. The Swedes did a good job of stemming the Mexican threat and out muscling them all over the pitch. At 3-0 all Mexico could do was try to salvage a draw but more realistically they could only stand and watch. The threeway Mexican stand-off was on. Germany laboured hopelessly against an incredibly organised South Korea team. 74% possession seemed guaranteed to lead to a goal for the defending champions as the seconds ticked by. As the Mexico Sweden game came to its end, news started to filter into the stadium. Still 0-0.
And then the incredible happened. A disallowed goal. For South Korea. In stepped VAR, whose call for review led to the awarding of the goal. Mexico were going through, Germany going out. The party started in the Mexican crowd as the Germans pushed everything forward, including Manuel Neuer, in an attempt to get an equalizer. It was to be Manuel Neuer who provided the final moment of brilliance, his miscontrol from a  throw-in was snaffled away and launched up field with a sumptuous pass from the earlier scorer, landing at the feet of Spurs’ Son. A moment to savor.

Especially if you are an England fan apparently, who have been quick to pile on the misery. I assume that what I am thinking now is how England fans feel when Scottish fans do the same. I don’t see why you hate Germany so much, the war was ages ago. Anyway, lets all just enjoy the rare sight of Big Tam Mueller crying. And hope that England lose.

More Coca-Cola World Cup football, after an indeterminate break.

MrHummels

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