Summer in the British Isles is a curious thing, you spend months wishing for it in all its glory and then spend the days inside watching football when it arrives. Or I do, anyway. In an effort to avoid this exact situation, I made plans to excommunicate myself. A timely homage to Stalinist Russia.
My plans took me across the green and pleasant park next to my flat, wearing shorts and t-shirt and carrying nowt but solitary bike wheel. After a slightly unwelcome interview this morning, (the grim reality that I will be doing shit work soon is slowly setting in) I walked half a league to the nearest bike shop for their assistance. By the time I’d walked back and sorted the wheel, it was time for Brazil and Costa Rica, in which Neymar acted like a true competitor, sacrificing almost all human decency in order to succeed in an essentially arbitrary task. Before kick off I bumped in to my neighbor, who it turns out is Brazilian. An awkward exchange of chatter later and I was watching the game alone. Perhaps next time…
My adventurous spirit wasn’t to be quelled though, not that easily. My next quest took me deep down into the depths of the common garden space which I hadn’t realised I could access until Coca Cola World Cup Game Day 8. I garnered myself with the most recent of tech and pitched up in a sun/wifispot – the perfect spot. In the heat of a technology which is surely bound to give us all a type of cancer we can’t know about yet and the sun, I watched the Nigeria vs Iceland match. Nigeria and Musa especially looked up for it. 2-0. The best part of the match was the genesis of the term Nigerian thunder clap. I’ll leave that to your imagination.
As the sun started to wane on my new garden, I packed up and went upstairs to watch the last and possibly most exciting game of the day – Serbia vs Switzerland. Switzerland almost managed to tame the raging bull Mitrovic and snuck over the line 2-1. Lots of Balkan politics at play which you can read about elsewhere if you so desire. Some cracking goals and a bit of a surprise. But I didn’t see any of that, I was outside smoking some questionable Cannabis extract which a friend gave to me for free – always a sign of quality. Forgive me if you don’t agree with those actions – and if you find my general point of view hazy today – it probably is still. I’m working so hard for this cause that I’ve turned to narcotics for support. Or, I spent all day wandering around in the sun and watching football and getting high. Which ever you prefer.

Mr Hummels

x

P.S. Mr Hummels does not condone the distribution, purchase or consumption of illegal substances, Mr Hummels believes in total decriminalisation accompanied with appropriate healthcare measures and taxation. Apparently in line with William Hague. Proof indeed that the world has gone mad.