Dear Horror Movies,

I am writing to express my recent disdain in your existence. Recently I have found myself outdoors more regularly than the norm, furthermore I have been in unfamiliar lands where the native tongue is not my own. I know what you are thinking, I should be hunted, parted from my dearly beloved with whom I am traveling and should eventually wield to an axe wound while she escape to tell a tale no one will listen to. Quite frankly, this is your problem.
I will firstly present my case and point after which I will await your response.

But a fortnight ago, whilst travelling on our bicycles through Chile, my girlfriend and I stopped by a small, rural, seaside village. We swiftly decided to camp in local, privately owned camp site, on the grounds of concerns for local ecology and of personal economy. Struggling to find the host of said site, it was here you decided to interrupt what should have been a straightforward wait. You gripped conversation with observations of the dilapidated house and gardens, funny smells and sounds and the abandoned vehicles. Furthermore you were not happy about the chickens. We ignored you at first however you became insistent as a neighbour attempted to find the Señorita who was in charge. It was here that you displayed the bounds of your prejudice, or lack thereof, pointing out that the neighbour may suffer from mental illness. We tried our best to ignore you further however the tone and topic of your incessant silent whisperings could not be ignored.
As we met the elderly Señorita who showed us through to the empty campsite, a point which you made repeatedly, you again let your poison trickle, noting her frail and stand-offish nature and at one point even questioning her sobriety.
You shocked both myself and my girlfriend into a nervous panic, at one stage deliberating on whether we should leave or not. Thankfully however, we didn’t. We stayed and learnt the truth. The elderly señorita was exceptionally kind, bringing us fresh delicacies from the the sea one morning whilst the tide was out, letting us help ourselves to the fruit from the fruit trees and lo and behold, she didn’t axe murder or poison either of us. The empty campsite, filled the night after with a friendly Chilean family. The house was warm, had decent plumbing and a good standard of hot water. And the neighbour who possibly did suffer from mental illness was perfectly nice and again, did not try and harm us. Even the ruddy chickens were harmless, if slightly loud. In fact, the fact that I am able to write all of this proves you are disingenuous and false.
I should apologise for my tone however I’m sure you can appreciate my annoyance, you have managed to ruin numerous harmless situations by infecting either my girlfriends, or occasionally – with the help of substance abuse, my own imagination with scenarios which are unnecessarily frightening and generally infeasible, unrealistic and unlikely.
Please stop.
You have tried to mar the kindness of our local hosts, who have so often taken us in and looked after us, with second-rate suspicion. In all honesty, I have never been your biggest fan and would appreciate if, henceforth, you left us and returned to the blood-soaked, abandoned cabin whence you came.
Please feel free to respond, solely in letter format.
Yours,

Mr Hummels